空白‧記憶

The following is an article written by Gail Todd, a free-lance writer who worked as a flight attendant for more than 30 years.  She really says it all!!有一位自由投稿作家Gail Todd同時也身為30年資深空服員(老空姐)，寫了一篇文章如下，可謂是描寫精湛。Grounded Advice for Flight Attendant Wannabes:給那些想成為空服員的人一些忠告。Recently, I received e-mail from two readers who thought flying sounded like an exotic career and asked me if I would do it all over again.  So when I met two old flying cronies for lunch, I asked them the same question.

最近收到兩位讀者寫給我的伊媚兒，覺得飛行似乎是可以到處出國的職業，並且問我如果能從頭再來，會不會選擇同樣的行業?當我和兩位資深空姐用午餐時，索興問她們同樣的問題。We put our heads together and came up with a training guide for anyone who is considering a career as a flight attendant and is looking for the adventure of air travel.

經過一番腦力激盪之後，鄭重向各位想成為空服員的朋友們推薦一系列「職前訓練指南」，將幫助您體驗空服員飛行的樂趣。Here it is:

如以下所述: 1.  Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn.    Add a white shirt and a tie.  Wear the same outfit for three consecutive days.走一趟估衣店，找一套陸軍士官長穿過舊的深藍色西裝，外加一件白趁衫、一條領帶(或絲巾) ， 將這套制服一連給它穿上三天。

 2.  Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours.   Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full.  Go home.   Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.

到飛機場花個幾小時，坐在那裏欣賞飛機起降，假裝妳是在機場做後補組員(Stand-By)沒有被抓飛 然後回家，明天再來，接連給它來個幾天。

(註: Stand-By是指穿著制服帶著隨身行李在機場做後補組員， 如果飛機起飛前臨時有組員缺席找不到人遞補，Stand-By就會被派去飛這趟班。如果沒有被抓飛，6個小時後就可以下班回家。) 3.  Fill several large boxes with rocks.  Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet.  Slam the door shut until the boxes fit.  Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back.

找些空箱子裝些石頭在裏面， 把它們拿起來放進儲藏櫃上層置物架，塞滿後用力把門關上 重覆幾次直到妳背脊骨盤突出。 4.  Turn on a radio.  Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static.  Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal.  Run them all night.

打開收音機，調整到沒有電台收訊播放雜音。打開吸塵機和廚房水槽碎雜機，讓他響整晚。 5.  Remove the covers from several TV entrees.  Place them in a hot oven.   Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out.  Remove the hot trays with your bare hands.  Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself.

將冷凍晚餐包裝拿掉，放進烤箱加熱，把它們留在烤箱內直到乾掉為止 用赤手將它們拿出來給家裏每個人當晚餐。記得，就只有妳沒有。 6.  Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal.  Make them remain in their seats during this time.  Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service.

當家人用餐後一小時，提供飲料給他們，在這期間要他們不可離開座位。 並要他們大聲嚷嚷，抱怨餐飲和妳的服務品質太差。 7.  Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later when you're really hungry.

在妳餓了兩小時之後， 把那些沒被取用剩下來的麵包拿來吃。 8.  Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall.  Use a belt to strap yourself into it.  Eat the rolls you saved from your family's meal.

找張有靠背的椅子，放在儲藏室面對牆壁，用條皮帶把妳和椅子綁在一起，然後吃妳預留的剩飯。 9.  Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible.  Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess.  Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night.

請妳的家人輪番上陣使用洗手間，教他們盡可能在裏面甩水並且看誰弄得最亂，然後妳整晚每一小時打掃洗手間一次。10.  Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's wingtips and loafers along the way.  Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes.  Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake.

將餐椅排成一條挾窄走廊，然後將妳老公的皮鞋和拖鞋丟滿地。關掉電燈，試著在被鞋子絆倒和踢到椅腳的狀況下來回行走。喝上幾杯冷咖啡保持整晚清醒。11.  Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold sweet roll.  Don't forget to smell their bad breath and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school with smile.

早上溫柔地將妳的家人叫起床，幫他們準被甜麵包當早餐。別忘了聞一下他們的口臭，並微笑且祝他們上班上學愉快。12.  After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out in the yard.  If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to pick you up.   Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.

當妳的家人出門後，拖一個行李箱到後院。如果外面沒有下雨，把庭院灑水系統打開，在那裏站個30分鐘，假裝妳在等旅館接送巴士。然後進屋子站在妳房間門口30分鐘，揣摩一位女中正在打掃妳的房間。13.  Change into street clothes and shop for five hours.  Pick-up carry-out food from a local deli.  Go back home.  Sit on your bed and eat your meal.  Set your alarm for 3:00am so you'll be ready for your wake-up call.

換上便裝然後到街上逛個五小時。買一份外賣餐點回家，進房間坐在妳的床上用餐。然後將鬧鐘設在凌晨三點鐘準備起床。14.  Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first international trip.

重覆以上流程，三天一個循環，妳將完成第一趟國際航線的準備。Several years ago, on a flight out of Dallas , my flying partner was half-buried in a cart trying to rescue the last few entrees from it.  A passenger asked her what she was doing.  Without removing her head from the cart, she responded:  "I'm looking for the glamour in this job."

在若干年前，有一趟班是從達拉斯出發。當我同事正鑽進餐車尋找些剩餘的餐點，有個乘客問說妳在找什麼。她頭也不回毫不猶豫地回答: 『我在尋找空服員的亮麗』。And yes, I would do it all over again.  So would my flying partners.   Go figure!!

如果重新再來，我會做同樣選擇，我的同事也是如此 看著吧